Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
