we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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