I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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