Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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