Your tits are I can't wait for
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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