What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
