3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize