do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
