hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
this is an emotional support booty call
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize