your room smells of hookers.
And success
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
