hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
