you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
