remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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