Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
