Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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