please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
