just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
