Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
