I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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