Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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