She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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