you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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