so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
