Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
