i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
