I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A bitchslap is in order.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
