At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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