So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
