a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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