I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
