Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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