If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
