New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
