look no pants
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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