i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
