I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
