we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The Olympian is in my bed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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