At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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