I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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