i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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