I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just had sex bonerless
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize