How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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