Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
