i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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