i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
