Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bring me that man meat
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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