we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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