Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
