I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
