Where is the hickey?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
