Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
