My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
