Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize