WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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