At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
