My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize