The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
