i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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