I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize