so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my shit smells like andre
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
