It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
