Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
