btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
