Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
