Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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