420 ftw
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
