whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize