so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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