We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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